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SHAME

Almost all people who identify themselves as an addict or problem user experience shame. While society may subscribe to the notion that addiction is a disease there is also a belief that addicts/problem users are fundamentally weak and therefore lacking the wherewithal to “pull themselves up by the bootstraps.” The knowledge that the world around them views addiction as an inferior state of being builds on underlying shame. 

This isn't who I really am at the core. 

People who experience shame on a regular basis are at high risk for a multitude of other problems such as anxiety and depression. As shame builds, so does the addiction. For the addict this can feel like a never ending and hopeless cycle. Shame more then any other dis-empowered state can diminish the sense that life can ever get better. Secretive behavior and isolation is common.

I know I can do better but I can't seem to find the answers to a better life, no matter how hard I try.

The addict/problem users sense of self can be closely tied to past incidents of shame. A historic orientation of self builds the shame and interferes with the ability to create a better future. The addiction may be alcohol, drugs, food, sex or gambling. Regardless of the chosen “tool” the individual will have a very personalized sense of shame around incidents of use and consequences of that use. Ultimately there is a sense of not being in control of one`s self.

I have no control over events or my reaction to them, but I can control feeling better, for a short period of time, by using. Right now, the ensuing shame can wait.

Each use builds the identity of being a shameful person. The effects may be personal and often spread out to other important systems including family, work and friends. The larger the spread, the more damaging the spread, the more likely the addict/problem user is to, at some point, begin to isolate. The danger in isolation is often a lost of potential support and a loss of important relationship and communication skills, thus furthering the shamed identity. 

We are born without shame. Shame is a learned response. 

"Habits are at first cobwebs, and then cables.” Spanish proverb
"We need to systematically regain a belief in ourselves and make a decision about who we are going to be."TLC

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